Sweet Silver Lining?

This post may be redundant.

I was committed and so certain that I will take up the challenge. And that nothing can stop me from creating miracle-like improvements. That I was willing to reduce my sleep, work harder, play lesser and focus more on it so that I will get what I expected. I would tell myself to stop running away, but to face it by making a decision largely based on idealism with very little logic involved.

I was suppose to tell her my decision on that day. I was suppose to remind her that I am ready for this so the registration can be settled. But suddenly I heard the news which changes everything. The smell of more work, which made me doubtful of my decision again. On that day where I was suppose to tell her about it, I ran away from it yet again.

Now I am again at crossroads, unsure of which path to take. Not sure if I should let go or hang on to it and have a little faith in myself...an OVERLY idealistic thing to do. To commit is to literally have limited sleep everyday and to become an anti-social freak who packs food to the room everyday and have little to no conversations with people. Or to stop enjoying the thing I love most-MUSIC.

It is not like I even need it. It is a matter of choice, not a compulsory do-or-die thing. It is not like I am heads-over-heels about it or I adore ALL the little intricate details of it. It is just a matter of personal achievement and satisfaction. It is definitely nothing compared to the beauty of rods and cones of human eye and neither does it thrills me like an organic chemistry mechanism.

Some might say it is extra knowledge and that we should never just stop at our textbooks or focus only on relevant things. Thus, people tend to keep up with the current news or pick up a hobby like fishing. But what if I told you that you need to sit an exam for that? Plus, I have disconnected from the world recently because I hardly even have time to read the papers.

Gosh, is it even worth it?

My brain is a tangled up mess. Hopefully Pangkor clears my head.